


endings

by lilabut



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 07:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1501427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilabut/pseuds/lilabut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing is made to last. Five different scenarios for Emma and Killian to end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I am not a person who enjoys fluff. Why must I be so addicted to angst? Why must I torture myself like this?
> 
> These will be five short ficlets, each showing one possible scenario for CS to sink. Not all of them are realistic, and I don't actually believe in any of them, although the possibilities are always there. 
> 
> Just to be clear: the last thing I want it for Emma and Killian to sink, and I'm quite optimistic they won't.

**one**

 

_ Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again. _

 

Stephen King

 

It happens slowly. So slowly that for the longest time, Emma does not notice. When she does, she tries to ignore it, writes it off as random or unimportant. Everyone has bad days, and he has a lot of dark memories to haunt him, more than anyone should.

 

He is with her after all, a part of the family, and he makes her feel loved and strong and whole every day, pours all his heart and soul into making sure she knows how much he cares.

 

It begins with nightmares, nightmares so strong she awakes to his screams, can barely comfort him as he shakes next to her, skin covered in sweat. Emma tries to envelop him in her arms, make him feel her, pulling him back into the real world.

 

She tells herself that lifetimes of darkness must have left countless scars, and she tries to kiss away the pain, soothe away the deep lines that brand themselves into his skin. At the beginning, he lets her. He is desperate for her comfort, pushing her into the mattress and fusing them together until she can barely breathe. Kissing her so hard she bruises, hovering during the day, trying harder and harder to be the man she knows he wants to be but struggles to find within him.

 

It happens slowly.

 

As time passes, he retreats, recoils from her touch, storms out of their bedroom, away from her. Emma thinks he might be scared of her reaction, because he always worries that he is not enough for her. When he takes away her chance to prove him different, it tears her apart, and the further he retreats, the closer she yearns to get.

 

It happens slowly, but one day Emma sees the way his lips tremble around Mr Gold, the way his good hand curls into a fist, and suddenly she knows what wakes him at night, what haunts him day after day. She covers his hand with her own, gently brushes his skin with her thumb, feels the anger and hatred pouring out of him.

 

For a while, she thinks it works, that she can suck the darkness out of him like poison from a wound. Still, they never speak about it, about what has changed. He is less gentle, less caring, takes her roughly and turns away after, pushes her away when she seeks his comfort.

 

It happens slowly. So slowly that Emma does not notice how much he really has changed until her mother questions her about it one day, nervous eyes flickering towards Killian and David at the other end of the room.

 

_He's having a hard time_ , is all Emma can mutter, and she knows her mother knows she is lying.

 

That night, when she wakes up to his screams, she does not move. She is too tired to try.

 

It happens slowly, but then he is gone without a word, and Emma barely finds the words to come up with a lie to explain his absence before tears take over.

 

He returns weeks later, eyes shining in the light of the moon, and he presses her against him so tightly she feels like he is absorbing her, her warmth, her light. She would give him all of it, but she has Henry, and her parents, her little brother. He is not everything, and she can not give him all. Still, when she kisses him, she wants him to understand that she would.

 

It has happened slowly, but as she looks at him now, she sees the man she has first met, eyes dark and filled with hatred and determination.

 

_I thought you loved me_ , she whispers, and she fights to keep the tears away, fights so hard because she feels betrayed. Not only by him, but by her own beliefs. They were true love, so why was the darkness winning him over, why could she not pull him back into the light?

 

_I do love you_ , his lips are so close to hers that she can taste the rum on his damp breath. _So much, Emma._ He is telling the truth, and it breaks them both, the way he clings to her. She can see in his tear-filled eyes that he wants to be good and enough for her. Then his eyes fall shut, and Emma feels a salty tear tickling the corner of her lips. _But I am not strong enough._

 

Their lips meet in a frenzy, and they both know this is the end.

 

_Don't leave me_ , Emma begs against his skin, warm and soft and not enough. It has never been enough.

 

_I'm already gone._

 

The sea calls him. For a few months, Emma looks towards the horizon every single day, daring to hope that he might return. She knows he will not, knows that he stays away because he loves her, because of what little light she has been able to lock inside his heart. He would not come back to give in to the darkness that haunts him, because he knows it would break her.

 

She dreams, and she sometimes sees him aboard his ship, fighting and stealing, and cursing her every day of his wretched life for robbing him of his revenge.

 

It happens slowly. Slowly, the ocean turns into a sea of blood in her dreams, and she wakes screaming, aching for his arms. Instead, she turns over onto the cold side of the bed, where nothing but his memory remains.


	2. once upon a dream

**two**

  


__The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness. And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream._ _

 

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

 

He cradles her head in his hand, tugs her deeper into their embrace. Nothing could fit between them now, bodies pressed so tightly together that Emma could tear apart and not feel a thing – he is holding her together. In this moment, she would gladly give anything to be empty, because all she feels right now is anger, pain, hatred and utter despair.

 

They can not lose each other, not when she has just opened her heart, has allowed him in. Not when he holds her so tightly, his warmth seeping into her skin, not when they have had no chance to be together.

 

Around them, the world darkens, the walls of green smoke closing in around them. Not a curse this time, but time itself, threatening to undo every step along the way that has brought them together.

 

There has not been much that they have been able to do. There is no stopping it. All Regina could do was to ensure that Emma will be born – that the savior will be brought into the world, a slight chance of undoing Zelena's twisted plan. It is a small chance, too small for hope, and so Emma clings to Killian's arms as brutally as she can without breaking him. She knows her tears are doing that already.

 

 _I love you, Emma_. Of course he does. And of course she knows. All along, it has been so clear, so close, and she has allowed it to slip away. Now their time is up, and they are about to be separated once more. She is reminded of that day over a year ago, when they said farewell and made promises, promises that were kept. There had been as little hope then as there was now, and she clung to that. Clung to it because, despite every obstacle, he has found her.

 

 _I will find you_ , she whispers against his lips as she pulls him into a blazing kiss, no hope embedded in her words, but they are all she can say, all that her trembling lips can utter, and more than her aching heart can take.

 

She has kissed Henry goodbye, her son who understands nothing of what is happening, who should have had a peaceful, normal life in New York. He is with Regina now, the chance of either of them existing in this new past and future so very little. So remote. It is Emma's only comfort that there will be no pain for him. That he simply... will never have existed.

 

Killian wipes away a stray tear, and his eyes are filled with such faith and trust. After everything that he has lived through, after everything they have endured, he still believes. Believes in true love, and Emma feels cheated for not being given the chance to learn how to believe herself.

 

Emma can feel the green smoke approaching, invading her lungs, filling her senses, blurring everything until only he remains. _I know you will, Swan._

 

She never does, and neither of them ever knows.

 

One warm day in early autumn, Emma sits on a boulder that overlooks the wide planes of her parents farm, the sheep soft white spots in the distance like the puffy clouds in the sky. The book in her lap is old and used, and she can feel the parchment crumbling beneath her gentle touch. It tells of the sea and grand adventures, of noble man and ruthless pirates.

 

There is a portrait of a young man, dark haired, a smirk on his face. Emma can barely make out the writing beneath the picture, time having taken its toll on the delicate ink, and there is no way to make out his name. What little she can read tells of a skilled pirate, rich and feared, known to sail the realms, perished in a legendary storm over two centuries ago. Something about him seems utterly familiar, and it is his image that haunts her whenever she looks towards the horizon, yearning to see the world, and feel the breeze of the salty sea on her skin.

 

She soon grows fond of the dreams in which he appears, smiling at her, always whispering the same words, words she never understands. _You found me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was based on the idea that Zelena succeeds and does change the past, also keeping her promise to Rumple to give him a chance to make things right with Bae. In this version, he never feel through the portal, so Rumple never went after Milah and Killian, Killian didn't lose his hand, never went to Neverland and died long before Emma was ever born, as did Bae. Emma grows up as David and Snow's daughter, but a shepard's daughter, not a princess. Neither Regina nor Henry were ever born...


	3. black swan

**three**

  


__The silver swan, who, living had no note, When death approached unlocked her silent throat._ _

 

Orlando Gibbons

  


Emma knows how the story will end.

 

Still, if there is one thing his love for her has changed, it is her capacity to hope. She does, so dearly, clings to the thin thread of hope each day and night, from the moment the sun sets and turns her into her human form until it rises once more and tints the sky with blood and gives her wings.

 

If only she could use them to fly, to break free. Instead, she is chained to the dark lake, as clear as tears once the moon shines upon it. The bittersweet sight of the ruins of what was once a chapel haunts her, representing all her dreams, all of them now scattered in the wind, shining shards that sparkle as stars at night.

 

The man she only remembers as Rothbart appears rarely, his disfigured face a grotesque shadow in the night. His words repeat, reminding her of her fate.

 

She has only one hope, her true love finding her, speaking the three words that can warm and hurt, change and destroy lives. Every waking hour, her gaze is set upon the thick forest surrounding her, and with each day that passes without him, the small flame of hope begins to diminish.

 

Her body aches when it turns into that of a swan, the fire of dark magic burning through her veins, and she cries silent tears that burn like acid on her skin each night.

 

Killian. She sees him in the depths of the lake, in the nightmares that haunt her sleepless hours. He had promised to find her, to save her. No, he only exists in her memories, and with each hour that passes, his reflection becomes blurrier, washed away by the hands of time. She begins to lose herself.

 

The sun burns a little brighter through the trees one day, and she knows it must reflect from her pure white feathers as beautifully as it does from the lake's surface, like small diamonds, each one tear she has been unable to shed. She regards it as a twisted fate, her white coat of feathers as pure as her mother's name.

 

It is then that the leafs rustle, and her eyes fall upon him at last. His face flushed, his face weathered by pain. He stands there by the lake, the sun illuminating him so brightly that Emma thinks it might be an illusion.

 

She wants to part her lips and call out his name, but she has no lips, no voice. And so she merely looks upon him, and when their eyes meet, she can see that he recognizes her. _Emma_. His whisper is carried by the soft breeze. The pain in his eyes is sharp as knives, and Emma turns away, disappears among the other swans, hides from his view until he is gone, because he can not see or save her like this.

 

She is not surprised when, before dusk, the man who has brought this fate upon her returns, and carries her away, takes her into the chapel. The white marble floors covered with dead leafs, the altar shattered, colored glass broken, allowing for the last rays of sunlight to fall into the ruins.

 

He chains her to the altar, her wings fighting with what little life is left inside of her.

 

The heavy wooden doors are left open, the cold breeze causing the leafs to dance sadly across the worn floor.

 

It does not take long before she sees him again, Killian breaking through the trees. She wants to call out his name, feels the pain in her throat at the effort. No words come out. Silence.

 

She can see the lake beginning to stir, a bright light appearing, and her heart breaks when one of the swan transforms into herself. A last ray of sunlight still shines upon Emma, trapping her. All she can do is watch as Killian walks knee deep into the lake, chanting her name over and over as the woman that looks exactly like her falls into his arms. Her hair is flowing down her back, a dress as black as night clinging to her, shining morbidly in the moonlight.

 

It is in that moment that the sunlight finally disappears, and pain begins to shoot through her body, the familiar fire burning as she regains her human form. The chains break, unable to hold her captive any longer.

 

But it is too late.

 

She shouts his name, but before the words leave her lips, she can hear him speak, his voice carried over by the wind. _I love you, Emma_.

 

Her eyes widen, and she feels the fire begin to burn in her veins once more. It does not hurt anymore. It feels dull and lifeless, and she knows that it is over. With stumbling feet, she carries herself out of the chapel and to the lake's shore, a twisted, deep laugh echoing from the edge of the forest. One she knows belongs to Rothbart.

 

Killian's eyes fall upon her, white dress soaking through as she steps into the ice cold water of the lake with bare feet. _Emma_. His whisper is broken, and his gaze flickers between her and the woman he has just held so tightly in his arms. Proclaimed his love to. _No_. They have both been cheated. Tricked. And now it is too late. Her fate is sealed.

 

Emma has known all along how the story will end. She walks deeper into the water, as quickly as her tired legs can take her.

 

_I love you, too_ , she whispers finally, silver lights reflecting from the lake as she sinks under, the water filling her lungs until everything fades to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about going more into detail about how and why Emma would be cursed, but ultimately, that's not what this is supposed to be about. This is obviously based almost entirely on Swan Lake.


	4. the world of the living

**four**

 

_ _There is a man who would give his life to keep a life you love beside you._ _

 

Charles Dickens,  _ A Tale of Two Cities _

 

David is quick on his feet behind him, and Killian feels the weight of his decision heavily upon his shoulders. The sky is tinted red as blood, and the bean in his palm has lost all its beauty in the darkening light. There is a loud thunder, and the air they breathe is barely enough to keep them alive. It feels as if life itself is being sucked out of the town. 

 

The pull of the underworld that radiates off the ebony coin that David carries is sickening and terrifying. No good thoughts can endure for long. The plan to send it through a portal has been a desperate one.

 

Finally, their legs tired already because eternal sleep and nightmares threaten to take over, the two of them reach the docks. Killian reaches out his hand to take the coin that is slowly destroying everyone in town from within, and David hands it to him without question.

 

He still remembers the days when all he had been to the prince was a pirate. The trust they share now is a small glimpse of hope in the thickening web of darkness.

 

Killian focuses his gaze upon the horizon, red as blood and hiding the sun from their eyes.

 

_What are you waiting for?_ Even their voices have lost their echo, hollow words that reverberate between them.

 

Killian has known this moment would come the second the decision to send the coin through a portal has been made. It is why he has pressed Henry so tightly against him, remembering the moment he had shared with the boys father before his death, a last chance to make amends. The boy was like a son of his own to him now. It is why he has kisses Emma so deeply the last bit of air had been sucked out of them, whispering breathlessly into the crook of her neck how much he loves her, needing her to understand that she fixed him. Every broken piece of him.

 

_Sending the coin through a portal, it won't work._ His voice is plain, void of any emotion, and he can feel life leaving him already, pulling him under the coin's dark spell. _Not unless someone takes it with them. The only way to destroy it is to send it back to the underworld. Throwing it through a portal - it could end up anywhere._

 

David's brows rise high. _But Gold said there is no way out of the underworld. It's impossible to leave, even if there was a portal. For protection, because you can't bring back the dead._ The implication lays heavily in the silence that follows. Killian looks at David intently, and slowly the truth dawns on him. _You're not coming with us, are you? When you said goodbye to Emma... you were saying goodbye._

 

Killian wonders if, under different circumstances, David would have fought his decision harder. He simply stands there now, staring at him in disbelief.

 

_She knows I love her, doesn't she?_ Killian only whispers the words, Emma's face haunting him. He hates that he sees her reflection on the surface of the bloody sea. It is as if she is calling to him, begging him to stay.

 

Finally, David seems to break, and his voice is battered as he steps closer. _There has got to be another way._

 

_You were right, mate._ Killian almost sighs the words, tears burning in his eyes. All that is happening, it's my fault. _I never should have tried to make that deal. I caused this. It's only fitting if it takes my life._ His voice cracks a little, and he hopes that David does not sense his fear. For all the times he has barely escaped death, for all the times he has begged for his life to end, he wants to cling to it now. He does not want to die. _I have lived on borrowed time. More than any man deserves. And through these centuries, against the impossibility that Emma and I would find each other, we did. And I am so grateful for it._ His words are true, but they also cut his heart in two. After centuries of darkness, he has finally found a home, has made peace. To protect it, he will gives his life gladly and without hesitation. Nevertheless, he feels cheated, used and angry at himself for running everything into the ground.

 

_What am I supposed to tell Emma?_ David is pleading with him, words dancing between anger and pain. Still, Killian knows he would do the same thing if meant protecting his family.

 

_Tell her that in the end it wasn't too late for me to do the right thing._ So many things he has done wrong, lifetimes of mistakes. In the end, he wants to be the good man he has, for so long, believed to have lost when his brother's dead body was taken by the black depth of the sea. The man Emma has awoken again.

 

_No, please._ David is standing next to him now, the sea dead calm. Not even a breeze interrupts the suffocating silence.

 

Killian clasps his hand tightly around the bean and coin in his palm, feeling the edges dig deeply into his skin. _Everyone looks at me as Captain Hook. Including Emma, although she'd never admit it. Let me die as Killian._

 

He wants to leave it all behind, all the darkness and despair.

 

David does not speak, too defeated. He understands, and deep in the pools of his eyes, Killian can see that he won't stop him.

 

Suddenly, he finds himself in a tight and short embrace. David inhales sharply, as if he wants to say something, words that die on his lips.

 

He walks away quietly, and only once briefly stops to hesitate.

 

Killian does not want to imagine the pain in Emma's eyes, the sound of her cries. Instead, he closes his eyes and allows the memories to wash over him like gentle rain.

 

Her smile, her kiss, the softness of her hair and the crisp sound of her laughter. The blush on her cheeks and the saltiness of her skin. Her fingers entwined with his. His head in her lap and her head on his shoulder. The peaceful expression when he wakes up before her and watches her lost in her dreams. The glow of her magic and the pride that sparkles in her eyes.

 

It becomes harder and harder to fight the darkness, and so Killian tosses the bean into the sea, inhaling deeply as the portal opens before him.

 

His father. The sea. The blurred image of his mother. Sails in the wind. Liam. A warm hearth. Milah. A seagull's cry. Henry. Sunshine on bare skin. Emma.

 

_Emma._

 

_ He leaps into the cold sea with her whispers in his mind. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on the idea that Killian takes drastic measures to bring someone back from the dead or rescue someone from dying, and therefor endangering the safety of Storybrooke. And I threw in a Sleepy Hollow quote for good measure.
> 
> The dialogue and basically the entire scene is also based on the scene in 2x22 when Regina is willing to sacrifice her life to save SB when the diamond threatens to destroy it.


End file.
